THE FRESNAN

When other cities do it better: Portlanders know how to corral their bikes

Fresno can easily be more bike friendly. For many reasons, two being it wouldn't be all that hard and Portland is better than us at it - it's annoying when Portland does things better. We're flat, on a grid and it rarely rains, all ingredients for a good bike city. Hell, Portland is wet and hilly and they're, like, the bike capitol and stuff.

One simple idea: Better bike racks. Just look what the Madison Mallards baseball team did. (Are you listening Chuckchanski Park?) Any semi major business or public place should be required to have dedicated bike racks, just like they have parking stalls. (More than a couple metal bars stuck in a corner of the shopping center, anyway.)

If you watch the video below, you'll see what innovative bike parking can do for business. Totally could see this in front of the Revue:

MORE BIKE BACKING

>If you've been thinking about biking to work, the city of Fresno has some reasons why you should make the move to pedal power.

>Bill Mac's recent column about biking in Fresno and creating more bike trails (canal banks...hellooo).

>Famous Whitewater actually rides to his internet-y work.

>Local bike shops: Stevens. Tri-Sport. Herb Bauer. Sumner's. Rubber Soul. Cycle Paths. Fresno Schwinn. Performance Bikes. Tower Velo. Momentum Cycling. Tower Bike Shop.

>Local Bike groups: Fresno County Bicycle Coalition.

>More cool examples of what Portland is doing: Bike signage in Portland. Naked bike ride in Portland. Portland bike traffic light.

Full disclosure: At Fresnan HQ, we aren't going around biking everywhere. Totally mean to, though. For realz. We're just waiting for more bike racks is all.

You're Not A Fresnan Until: The Ghetto Bird has lit up your block

Unless you live in the NE, this should be a familiar sight and sound:

We like to think that on the pilot's night off, the copter circles his house at all hours of the night, pissing him off to no end.

Deadly Annoying: Chupacabra Attacks Preventing Fresno Nerds From Blogging

We're sorry for the light posting and lack of diversity this week. We've been suffering through late night Chupacabra attacks and they've been using up our blogging time. The Chups have been relentless and we believe they are being controlled by some rival blog, or the city of Clovis.

This would be a good time to bone up on Fresno's favorite creature (after Bigfoot and Pat Hill's Fu Manchu), in hopes that WE can figure out how to control a Chupacabra of our own.

• The classic Wikipedia rundown. (How are there not Valley sightings on the page?)
• Report of a Mendota Chupacabra via Weird Fresno.
• Listen to Tokyo Death March's song "Chupacabra".

And finally, we need to sit down and watch the definitive (meaning the only) Chupacabra movie:

Was that really you, Sallah? *sigh*

Star Trek still not as good as The Onion

The Fresno reviews are in: Star Trek kicks all kindsa ass. It's so damn good, it spawned a nerdy somethin-er-another over at the Fresno Beehive. The local Twittersphere enjoyed it too (Is that enough of a Fresno tie in? No? Fuck it.)

But, not so sure the Trekkers (don't use the term Trekkies, it's considered offensive, people) are thinking the new movie is made with them in mind. The freaking comic genius of The Onion will explain:

Bloggiest Moment of the Week: Not just a nerdy BLOG WAR, a nerdy CIVIL WAR

*Attention reader! This post is for the Fresno blog geeks. If you are not one of those people, this post will seem incredibly lame. Please move on to something cool on the internets, like trying to find a sex tape of Mayor Bubba or something.

It all began with invites being sent to various local bloggers for the 2009 Blogger Olympics - a Fresno Beehive event that pits local bloggers against each other, in various goofy sports, to determine Fresno's Blogger Olympics Champion. Great event (for nerdyass bloggers like this one), except, due to a limited amount of bloggers needed, not everyone was invited to participate.

That prompted a post from Ed Stewart (one of the ones left out at the time), basically saying "What gives?" A Blog War ensues. And this issue opened up the floodgates for other blogger accusations of "biting" of other blogger's posts, Fresno inspired posting and indie blogs vs. mainstream blogs. All (mostly) in good sibling-rivalry fun, but a good old-fashioned BLOG WARRR! none the less.

It's the kind of thing that only bloggers (like this overly sensitive one) could make an issue of.

Let this be a lesson to anybody that deals with bloggers in the future: If you do or plan something that you don't want to be public and a blogger is around, you better give that blogger the proper heads-up (like: "between you in me"), otherwise it will end up in a post - as silly as the post may be. We are douchebags indie-bloggers; writing about underground Fresno stuff is what we do. You would think our blogging peers would've known this.

I hope everyone that wants to participate in this year's games (except for this goob), gets to. It's a real fun event, made BY bloggers FOR bloggers. There isn't many of those - we usually are covering or watching somebody else's event. And it needs to be said, the Fresno Beehive does a great job at promoting local bloggers. Planning things can suck, especially when you can't invite everyone, so I feel for the Hive.

And yeah, I may not be able to participate, but, you know, at least I have my old tapes of happier days:

Extreme Makeover: Taking Advantage of Fresnans Edition?

Am I the only one who thinks it's wrong that all these local companies and people have to do all this donating of goods and services and volunteering of their time for a major money producing network show? And it's ABC, people. That's Fucking Disney - they have lots of my Disneyland loving money. Those guys are doing fine and don't need volunteer work even if it's for a good cause.

Nobody else is bothered then? Ends justify the means and all? Fine. Anyway, look at the guy (second from left) in the picture above of the Extreme Makeover Team and tell me that's not Fresno Bee columnist Matt James.

CBS 47: On Your BLOGGER'S Side

Here's something you probably have never wondered: Why haven't one of the local TV news stations done a story on some local bloggers? You're probably a normal person, so you've never thought about such geeky things. Sorry, but I'm a blog nerd and I'VE wondered.

Well, time for me to stop wondering. Steve McCarron from CBS 47 "On Your Side", is currently working on a story about Fresno bloggers. I know these things because the dude is right over my shoulder as I type this - along with Matt, the Camera guy. Check for the story on Friday night - hopefully.

It's about time someone in the mainstream TV media got wise to Fresno's blogosphere - I'm looking at you Corin Hoggard.

Too nice of a Fresno day to be poolside?

You're not even using your pool, are you Fresnans? It's almost mid-September and you are just plain "pooled out." Always seems to happen this time a year when Fresno's weather starts cooling down.

Swimming? You are so over it.

Well screw you! I don't have a pool, I just have a wiffleball field and that doesn't cool you off or pull chicks - trust me. So get out there and don't let your pool go to waste. Do it for the losers like me with just a bunch of boring grass and yellow bats in the back.

Black Light Poets humble nerd

Last Friday night at Palominos, Black Light Poets showed how they are brave, funny and much more talented than I am. At least I got some video clips of some of them: