THE FRESNAN

A Fresno Christmas Beats A Clovis Christmas, Anyday

Saturday night officially officially began the Christmas season in Fresno with the walk down Christmas Tree Lane. People say that the Christmas display up in North Clovis is better... those people like crack too.

Sure, the Clovis one may beat CTL as a straight up light display, but nothing beats Christmas Tree Lane. Nothing. The pine trees, the nostalgia, the music, the old school string lights, the Optimus Prime cut-out... alright that one sucks, but the rest of it rules.

And now, here is some classic Christmas Tree Lane ambient sound that we captured on Saturday to solidfy our point: X-Mas Lane audio

 

Walmart and Clovis fit like a bigbox glove

Ya duns fucked up now, Clovis. Yes voted a new Wal-Mart in your precious and pretty North Clovis area, did ya? Finally you've realized your dream of surpassing Pinedale in amount of Walmarts. Empty Clovis retail buildings in three, two, one...

Side note: Classic Walmart shot used because that's the look we imagine when Clovis and Walmart get together.

[Photo cred: Dave]

HAPPENING TODAY: Finally A Reason To Go To North Clovis

Excuse us, Mr. New Belgium Guy, could we get a little extra something for posting this? A beer or glass, perhaps? Come on man.

The Evening Post: An all new meaning to the name Clovis 'High'

Ahhhhh, this is so awesome... so... so awesome: The grandson of the Mayor of Clovis was arrested today for allegedly growing pot in his home. Alright, kinda crazy, but not that crazy. The topper is: the gandson was living with the Mayor during this.

Could you have picked a better city for this to have happened in? No. No way. Thank you Fresno Bee and ABC 30 for allerting us to this story. And, head up, Mayor's grandson, you are totally cool with us.

*Think the Clovis High pun is bad? You'd be right. Can you think of a better one?

Lance Armstrong Expecting Clovis to Suck Today

Well no, he doesn't really. Actually, we have no idea what Lance expects of Clovis when he and his team roll into town today. All we know is, he had a nice dinner at some Modesto restaurant last night [pictured right -stolen from his Twitter feed].

Wonder where in Fresno/Clovis he'll be tonight. Do you know? Did you see him? Did you join the army? Were you one of the 25,000 plus expected in Clovis for the Amgen Tour of California? Did it kick ass and stuff?

Getting In-n-Out of Clovis to update Cabo Wabo

So earlier I was worried about local restaurants surviving this economy. Well, one chain restaurant is economy proof: In-N-Out. Recently one opened up at Clovis and Herndon and it's packed, like every other In-N-Out in existence.

LOOKING FOR CABO WABO UPDATES?

Mike Oz over at the Beehive has them for ya. Now it will be Sammy's son Aaron Hagar opening with Mikey and Sam soon to follow. I know Mike will keep you updated, but we'll be doing what we can this weekend. Hopefully we'll get some video, pics and maybe a little bit of Dorktown audio.

It just all depends on the Waborita consumption.

EPISODE 64: SAVE INTERNETLAND FROM DORKS

I want you to think about something before you listen to this podcast: Can you handle listening to a couple of rude jackasses cussing, drinking and talking about nonsense? If the answer is yes, then download this: DorktownInternetLandEpisode64.mp3

Some things to expect:

• A Fresnan ventures into Clovis?
• What Fresno women would you like to see in a bikini?
• Send Dorktown your gold!
• Fresno band "The Fay Wrays" kiss Mikey and Bells.
• Does a Fresno Starbucks need to be saved?
• Baskin and Robbins corporate will want to hear this.
• HIGH HORSE: Knock it off Kim! Knock it off!
• Bells yells at Internetland.

Listen to Episode 64

Clovis is Freakin' Scary, Man

Yes jackhole, I watch the Ghost Hunters show on SciFi. Soo WHAT? And this show too. I don't care if you think it's stupid. Ghost Hunters is the best of the ghosts shows, and a byproduct of that show, Ghost Hunters International, will be hunting at Wolfe Manor in Clovis on August 15th and 16th.

Sorry ladies, TAPS's Steve Gonsalves and his tattoos are not on the International team and won't be in town. Also disappointing, you gotta pay to play with the International team. But hey, you'll be able to mingle all day with a couple of the investigators. Just not Steve.

Maybe Gonsalves could have made the trip out, if not for his fears. And no, it's not a fear of Clovis - that's my fear.

Friday Fresgeek: Clovis Barnyards

Look, I don't like Clovis any more than you do, pal.  But sometimes you've got to bite the bullet and head out there with a big hat or whatever.  If you find yourself in Clov-i tonight, check this show out.

San Diego's The Silent Comedy, Chase Pagan from Arkansas (How many Arkansas acts come though here anyway?) , and our own Robopop.  No big hats required.

If you find Clovis too dangerous on a Friday night, hang out with our own Devoya at Zapps Park.

Dorky Breathing: Dorktown Episode 60

Welcome to our humble frescast.  Please beware of nasty language throughout.
Click to listen or download: Dorktown Episode 60

KICKASS BAD AUDIO THROUGHOUT!
-"Cats" at the Saroyan isn't all that.
-Clovis kicks out their drunks?
-What's wrong with the podcast?  Listeners chime in.  You can call and leave a message about our suckness: 559-224-2483.
-An old Mikey rival (FS Coach...) calls in.
-June 10th, Dave "The Snake" Sabo's cousin will be at Dorktown's Three Year Anniversary Party at Starline.  The likely lineup: It'll Grow Back, Beandip, Tokyo Death March and Chrysalis.
-We placate the Bakersfield listeners with a NL Belardes interview.  Check out his new Lords documentary.
-Fonzy Ehhhsss.
-Thank you Bells.  Thanks to interviewees Mike Oz, Heather Mclane, Caruthers Reggie and MissyT.
-This show was long.

listen: dorkybreathingEpisode60.mp3

Fresgeek Friday: Indie Rock in Clovis?

The appropriate-for-Clovis titled venue The Barnyard, is hosting a night of local indie music.  It's an Icicle, Worlds Fastest Indian, Sahab and Brother Luke.  I guess Clovis has more going on than its perplexingly busy Olive Garden.

Sober Drivers Plaguing Clovis

Last Saturday night in Clovis, there was a DUI Checkpoint.  No drunk drivers were found.  Not a one.

From 8:30 p.m. to 3 a.m. Cops checked 609 cars at Herndon and Minnewawa and every driver was sober.

Either the specter of Checkpoints is truly scaring Clovisians.  Or, they're just dull.

It's your bed Clovis, lie in it

            

Retail on Clovis's version of Shaw Avenue is going through some troubles:  Big-ass empty buildings.  Closures of businesses like Vons, Albertsons and Walgreens have left voids that nobody can seem to fill.

The thing is, there's nothing that can fill them because fucking Wal-Mart is on The Avenue.  Sprawl-Mart Wal-Mart is why those businesses are closed and is why you can't fill the empty buildings, Clovis.  Let the Evil Empire into your neighborhood and eventually this is what happens.  Good luck with that planned North Clovis one, and good luck to the Vons, Save Mart and Walgreens there.

And btw Clovis, nobody is buying your "The Avenue" moniker for Shaw, so knock it off.

Clovis: It's a WALMART Way Of Life

Clovis Mayor Bob Whalen, and Clovis City Councilmen Nathan Magsig and Jose Flores, have no backbones. Those three spineless Clovisians gave the okay for NatziMart WalMart to expand their Empire into Northern Clovis and send several Clovis grocery stores (and who knows what else) into future closure.

Nice job. Wouldn't expect anything more from Clovis. But, to be fair, most every American city's government does the same dumbass thing.  They don't protect us from ourselves by stopping WalMart . Stopping WalMart from taking over our retail lives.

But, in the end, it's up to us. That means you too North Clovis. It's up to us to not shop in that black-hole of a store. A store that sucks the life out of local retail. It's real easy to stop this though and you don't need some lame City Councilman.

Just don't go guys.  Is that so hard? Just don't go. There's nothing in there you can't get somewhere else, children. Clovis, are you really going to let a life sucker to be a part of your way of life?