THE FRESNAN

The Fresnan Presents: Dorktown Podcast 76 - So Metal!

Dorktown is happy to return and fill your ears with Fresno foulness. What kind of podcast drunkness is there to expect in this episode?

• North Clovis: Where Farmer Ted meets strip malls.
• Bells remembers an old Fresno bar called "Wired"?
• A kinda ACDC in Fresno review.
• Past Bells and Mikey at Greek Fest.
• Marin County talk.
• A new local podcast may be invading Dorktown's space.
• Re:FUSE Fest is coming to Downtown Fresno October 2nd and 3rd.
• Fresno band Racelegs gets Dorktown play.
• Former Flowing With Famous star, Reid May, is at Tokyo Garden and is so metal with his band Trumpet Solo.
• "Or Game"
• Fonzy Eyyys.
• Bootlegged In Fresno: Trumpet Solo.

Download Episode 76: DorktownIsSoMetal.mp3

*Or go to your iTunes, search in podcasts for "Dorktown" and have some dirty fun!
**Or use the player below:

***Contact the show about anything: mike@thefresnan.com or bells@dorktown.net

The real reason to come out to Audie's Olympic tonight are the bands, not the nerds

Sure, we want to celebrate podcasting for four years and, yes, we want to drink tonight. But, honestly we really want people to check out some Fresno bands for free. We love supporting our music scene and a podcast party is as a good excuse to do it as any.

But who the hell are these bands that are playing anyway? Well, if you must know:

FAY WRAYS
These guys are this blogs favorite band in town. The Fay dudes use every ounce of themselves when they're playing. You want to grit your teeth and quietly say "Fuck yeah!" to yourself while watching them. Check 'em, with some creative sound editing:

HAPPENING TODAY: Finally A Reason To Go To North Clovis

Excuse us, Mr. New Belgium Guy, could we get a little extra something for posting this? A beer or glass, perhaps? Come on man.

FresGeek Preview: Sudz in the City 2009 is Saturday

You haven't forgot about this, have you? Sudz in the City is Saturday. (Hint: Get there early before all the beer is gone and all the assholes show up).

This is the festival's 15th year. Remember when it started at the Water Tower? It was small, but nobody seemed to run out of beer and it didn't get all crazy. Just people drinking some different beers and being social.

But then, it got bigger and eventually moved to Chuckchansi Park (we'll forget about the Box Car Parking Lot year). Better, maybe, because there are now places to sit, more stages for bands, more people to socialize with. But, that also has meant, higher ticket prices, longer lines and seemingly less choices of micro-beers.

So we ask you, oh badass readers of The Fresnan, which of these three options would you prefer?

• Keeping Sudz in the City at The Chuck.
• Moving it back to the Water Tower.
• Third option: Move it to the Fulton Mall.

Whatcha think? Comment, Fresnans.

(We know we don't have the numbers of, say, blogs like The Hive. So please comment and don't leave us hanging here, looking more douchebagier than we already do.)

Fres-Video: So THIS is why the student section is always so fired up

Um, yeah, they no longer sell beer at Bulldog Stadium. No biggie. That just forces you to get creative with your pregame drinking.

Heads up! Drunkass screaming ahead:

Fresno State's Spring Scrimmage is Saturday at 2.

HAPPENING NOW: Your patio being hella inviting

Yeah, so, maybe Fresno got a little over-heated today (though a real Fresnan scoffs at a 95 temp). But hey man, the record heat is awesome because that means your patio, right now, is the perfect temperature. Makes the few hours of heatedness sooo worth it.

Might we suggest you go get yourself a couple Fresno beers, stroll out to your patio and enjoy the Fresno Night. Go. Now! Get off your damn Internet Box...or maybe take it out there with you.

Get Your Gullet In Shape: Sudz In the City 2009

It's the drinkiest drinking festival West of the Fulton Mall: Sudz In the City.

Every Fresno Spring it brings us: Beer, beer, a little wine, beer, tacos, beer, music, drunk assholes, drink tickets, lines, beer, out of beer, police in riot gear, pedicabs down the Fulton Mall, hangover and plenty of regrets.

This year's beer drinking fest' is again at Chuckchansi Park (better than that Boxcar Parking Lot, that one year) and is happening May 23rd. Yes, we know it's way too early to be talking about this but, seriously, this is the number one question asked around town this time of year: "When is Sudz In the City?"

Well, now we know ahead of time. The only thing we don't know is: Why isn't this happening on the Fulton Mall? Make it happen in 2010, Downtown Associates.

Weekend Hangover: Transitional Drinking

AFRAID OF CHANGE
Finally the holidays are done. It's time for Fresnans to get back to our normal bar-hopping  routines. But sadly we can't because Body in the Bog (The Pub) at Herndon and Marks is currently closed as it goes through an ownership change. Let's hope the new owners don't mess with the insane selection of beers the Pub had before. Change is bad.

STAYING OPEN
Wasn't the Starbucks at Herndon and Marks, supposed to close? Well, it's still open. I guess the whole letter writing campaign worked. Take a look at the letter that was sent to Seattle that's currently in the window next door. So, we can keep a Starbucks open (which is fine), but not a Koffeheads or Cafe Corazon. We suck.

NEWLY OPENED
According to "Captain Downtown" (Abe Lopez), the Downtown Sports Bar, Hero's, is now open. Apparently they still have some kinks because there are no TVs yet. Gonna kinda need those if ya want to be a sports bar. At least they have pizza and beer going for 'em.

New Year's Eve Fresno: Legends, Booze and Cab Rides

Many sweet Fresno choices for New Year's Eve partying. The Blogfather already has it all broken down for you. The obvious choice is national treasure/living blues legend BB King playing after Fresno's Musician Dude of the Year, Patrick Contreras at The Warnors. Audie's looks good as well, so does Palominos and Starline.

Whatever you choose to do, get yourself a sober ride by guilting one of your friends or actually taking a *gasp* Fresno cab ride. Just don't do that dick move where you convince the bartender to call you a cab and then you see someone you know who offers you a ride and then you totally bail and never tell the bartender or the cab company. Jack. Ass.

Maybe you'll get lucky and get in a Cash Cab:

Bad Blogger Comedy: City Lights Losing Its Liquor License

Tragic. Simply tragic. Fresno strip club, City Lights, got its liquor license suspended on Friday. There's a good joke in there somewhere, I just can't think of a defining one:

• When City Lights Management was told the news, they were immediately forced to raise their diet coke prices 900 percent.
• The bar in the Airport Holiday Inn is looking into installing a stripper pole to help keep the balance.
• No liquor at a strip club? That's like no beer at Bulldog Stadium... oh wait.
• There's no WAY K-Fed is coming back to Fresno now.
• First the Falcons, now this?
• Why didn't Fresno pull their License to Suck?
• How are the women supposed to look hot if I'm not drunk and how are they going to act like they like me if they're sober?
• Dammit! Now I can't use the old line "I just go there to have a couple drinks, I never look at the girls."

Alright, maybe I can't think of a good one at all. Write something better in the comments. Please.

Club Debauchery

I'm not quite sure how it does it, but Club Fred/Audie's Olympic sucks you in. Sucks you in to a hole of drinking, dancing and sexing. In a word: partying.

It's not always planned either. "I'll just have a drink, see a band and head home." Rarely that one drink ends up happening. Because once you enter (after navigating the sea of smokers and friends hanging on the sidewalk out front), you see the bar. That crazy Club Fred bar. A mix of Tower Folk, OGs from the Olympic Tavern days and a couple NFs (Non-Factors North Fresnans) roaming. Behind the bar: tubs of beer, shiny and inviting liquor and nice beer on tap like Sierra Nevada.

Not even girls seem to be immune to this club's party-virus. In fact, they seem to be the most effected by it. Keeping that in mind, guys:

Friday night, Blackbird will be preforming and Saturday is DJ Professor Stone. So, just accept that partying will happen and limber up, break out your drinking shoes, bring a driver and get sucked in.

EPISODE 64: SAVE INTERNETLAND FROM DORKS

I want you to think about something before you listen to this podcast: Can you handle listening to a couple of rude jackasses cussing, drinking and talking about nonsense? If the answer is yes, then download this: DorktownInternetLandEpisode64.mp3

Some things to expect:

• A Fresnan ventures into Clovis?
• What Fresno women would you like to see in a bikini?
• Send Dorktown your gold!
• Fresno band "The Fay Wrays" kiss Mikey and Bells.
• Does a Fresno Starbucks need to be saved?
• Baskin and Robbins corporate will want to hear this.
• HIGH HORSE: Knock it off Kim! Knock it off!
• Bells yells at Internetland.

Listen to Episode 64

DORKTOWN 61: DAMN NEAR THREE YEARS

Presenting The Fresnan's official podcast: DORKTOWN [Episode 61]

Thank you for listening, this is not safe for work without headphones and here's some of what to expect:

-The Dorktown break wasn't long enough.
-Fresno owes Dorktown money.
-Tommy Boy Boyajian and his caucus.
-Ashley is flashing for votes.
-Tommy Lee's penis.
-Fresno State Football Coach Pat Hill on Dorktown...seriously.
-Chrysalis brings Barstow metal.
-DORKTOWN'S THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW AT STARLINE, JUNE 10TH!
-Fresno Podcast Report.
-Ed Stewart explains his new Fresno podcast.
-Beer break with The Overdubs.
-Mikey will buy you a beer.
-A lame Lost discussion.
-NEW SEGMENT: DO YOU TIP WHEN?
-Dorktown's FONZY EHHSS!
-Get drunk and call the Dorktown Hotline, leave a message: 559-224-2483.
-Fresno gets help from George Lucas.
-Email us: mike, bells, kim. Then check out The Fresnan. *Download: Episode 61

Monday Hangover: Not enough Sudz in the City

Didn't they used to give you like twenty drink tickets for twenty bucks?  It wasn't that long ago was it?  When it was held near the Water Tower, I think.  Those were the days.  Saturday, it was thirty dollars (day of) for eight little glasses of beer.  To me, what was worse: no bands of note played - sorry every blues based band in town that performed.

I suppose the thirty bones is fine if you wanted to donate to the Downtown Association anyway.  That's where the proceeds went.

The Fresno Bee's Paula Lloyd gave a great statistical rundown of Saturday's Suds in the City event - there were 4000 drinkers at The Chuck.  By the way, the Bee is damn lucky to have Paula.  I really love the stuff she writes and hope they keep upping her profile.

An Earlyass Fresgeek

Since we were lame and didn't post a Fresgeek Weekend this time, we'll preview next week:

Beer.  Food.  Downtown.  Beer.  Cleavage.  Music.  Beer.  Riot Police.

A Fresno favorite for shitfaced assholes, Sudz in the City, is Saturday May 24th at The Chuck.  Every drunk idiot in town will be in attendance...we'll see ya there.